Press Release from ACDN

Saintes, 6 May 2013

120 millions Euros gone up in smoke, that’s the balance-sheet for the M51 missile firing from a SNLE-NG submarine on 5 May off the west coast of Britanny.

President Hollande had wanted a worthy celebration of his first year in power, a year which we all know was focused on budget savings, and had wanted with the same gesture to give the fingers to the leftwing protesters who had contributed to his victory a year ago but who now (oh the impudence!) were marching on the discontented streets of Paris.

Hey ! Look at that bouquet ! What a beautiful fizzer !

Questions are being asked in high corridors – is this a new miracle of French pyrotechnics or is it a nasty trick played by the North Korean secret service ?

But the worst is yet to come : while the Finance Ministry fears possible EU sanctions after this show of budgetary non-restraint, the Foreign Office is expecting Pyongyang to demand an urgent meeting of the Security Council and the imposition of sanctions against France, on the grounds of (more or less) vertical proliferation, and non–respect for Article VI of the NPT 6, and infringement of firearms legislation, and abuse of the environment, and threats to world peace.

Not to worry : this improvised fireworks display leaves almost intact the big budget envelope approved for modernizing our atomic weapons, an envelope that accommodated 3.1 billion euros in this year alone. Compared with the estimated 300 billion euros France has already spent on these weapons destined to be never used, that’s not even a light snack. As we say in France these days : « C’est peanuts. »

The populace can even be gleeful : thanks to the M45 missiles still in service, Monsieur Flanby still has the power to kill a billion people, including us (but not him, since he has a bunker named Jupiter underneath his President Palace).

Three Hearty Cheers and long live the King’s Navy !